dealing with disillusionment
eventually, if not perpetually, we will be met with an instance [if not many instances] in which our hard, productive labors are met at best with indifference and ignorance and at worst with outright scorn; and to rub salt in the wound, our greatest reward and recognition comes from our most florid lies, or simply from looking busy in just the right way. perhaps we have been shining along our business associates for so long that they'll never be able to tell the difference, since nobody in the entire world of western technological capitalism has anybody truly been interested in the bottom line or results - no one even knows how to accurately measure the bottom line or results. instead, they want their delusions stroked to the point of orgasm.people in the business world, which some dubiously refer to as "the real world", thrive off of a culture in which the most commonplace activity is the circle-jerk.
this is obviously quite disillusioning to those of us who grew up thinking that grown-ups got things done. obviously there are things that need to get done. obviously something got done or we'd probably all be dead by now. or maybe things just kind of happen and we're all like nuts running around in a madhouse. the point is - our culture, our society, our civilization doesn't reward hard work, intelligence, or any measure of worthiness. so we have to start questioning the rewards themselves.
do you really want money? well, of course you do, but let's split hairs here for a second.
do you really want money, or the things that you believe money can buy? and do you really want those things, or do you want the things those things can buy?
to reiterate a rather pedestrian point already peddled by wiser minds, you probably already have those things in your possession.
the key to creativity is to stop thinking about results. you're not going to get anything out of it, so stop looking for that. instead, true creativity involves embracing a day-to-day, moment-to-moment process.
the hard thing for us westerners is that the idea of discipline is like poison to us. it's like garlic to vampires. so pull the wool over your own eyes: don't call it discipline, don't call it a "practice". instead, call it "melons", or "car seats", or "sunday mornings", or "french toast." call it whatever you want. but acclimate yourself to doing something over and over again you don't understand.
it's called magic; it's called ritual. make shit up. the stranger the better.
do something over and over again you don't understand. ask it questions. this is called an oracle. it is where the wisdom of the ages comes from.
i'm serious. it does. you can ask anybody.
it's called alchemy. do something over and over again you don't understand, and record the results. "day 57: 5 o'clock p.m. took shower while holding an empty bottle in my left hand. put the bottle on the table. stuck a flower from outside in the bottle. waited for an insect to land on the flower. killed insect and put it in the bottle. went to the mailbox and got the mail. tore the photo out of a 'have you seen this child?' circular and put it in the bottle. wrote down an insult i heard as a child on a scrap of paper, rolled it up and put it in the bottle. got depressed thinking about how stupid this crazy ritual is, and thinking about my ex-wife; cried; put the tissue with tears and snot on it into the bottle. 'did' myself, put tissue in bottle. dog threw up a little, put some of the dog barf in the bottle. found some of ex-wife's perfume in the cabinet; put some in the bottle. phone rang, collection agency. doodled on a scrap of paper while listening to collector's idle threats. hung up, rolled up the doodle and put it in the bottle. took a sip of beer #18 since getting up this morning; poured a little in the bottle. cut my finger on the can by accident, squeezed some blood into the bottle. another insect landed on the table, killed it and put it in the bottle. got sick and tired of this so went to neighbor's house to bum a cigarette. put the butt in the bottle.
"finally, so very tired of this bullshit, took an old T-shirt and soaked it in contents of bottle. wore the t-shirt to investor's meeting underneath dress shirt and tie. it was hot in the office, AC was down; people kept asking me if i was OK. got a lot of dirty looks. there is no hope, no hope at all. will see what happens after doing this exercise the third time. if by the end of the third time nothing happens, will definitely DRINK contents of bottle, thus committing suicide...hopefully."
DISCLAIMER: your results may vary. it is not recommended that you eat, drink, inject, snort, smoke, anally/vaginally/urethrally insert, or otherwise consume, imbibe, or take in any or all substances created during this process. this blog is not liable for any injury, illness or death resulting from any of activities herein described. always consult a physician and/or mental health specialist before conducting unusual experiments on yourself, including but not limited to actual suicide. don't hurt yourself. don't kid yourself. get some sleep. it'll all look better in the morning.
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